...shot her lover down. Madam.

 

My parents believed the very traditional “if you live in my house then you live by my rules” rule. So as a child everything was scheduled for me and/or dictated to me. I was driven to school every day and pick up after school every day. Homework was to be done at a certain time. All of my clothes were picked out for me. I was then given the parameters of where and when I could wear them. This set was for school, this set was for play, this set was for holidays, this set was for special occasions. My haircuts, and in some cases even my friends, were all decided upon without my consent.

Every night, at the same time, the entire family sat down for dinner. Every night when the street lights came on I was to be on our property. Every night I had the same bedtime. Although it was always moved up an hour for the summer, it was hard to go to sleep when it was still daylight out.

Then there were what I call the social graces: “No ma’am” “yes sir” “excuse me” “I’m sorry” “pardon me” “children should be seen and not heard”, “speak when spoken to” and the like. In fact whenever the adults we having a conversation about adult things, be it finances or an off-coloured joke, the children were excused from the room.

My parents were so locked into tradition and decorum that most of my life we had a black rotary dial telephone and a whole book of etiquette for speaking on the phone.

When I joined the drama club in high school our structured suburban life was sent into chaos. I couldn’t eat dinners with the family. I had rehearsals. My homework was finished at the last minute right before I went to bed. I had stage crew. I couldn’t even abide by my bedtime which was 10pm. We did full length traditional musicals. The curtain was at 8 o’clock. I would’ve had to be in bed before the show hit the “11 o’clock number”.

In short all the rules and regulations were thrown out the window. My mother had pushed me to get extracurricular activities to beef up my applications for college. Now she was beside herself. She never expected I’d join the Drama Club and she certainly didn’t expect a huge time commitment complete with such a wanton disregard for civility. How would it look if the president of the PTA didn’t have a normally structured life?

Since joining something was her idea in the first place, my mom acquiesced about a lot of family traditions. She stood her ground firmly on a few things however.

Sunday dinners were the last bastion of family time. Missing them was non- negotiable.

I was an honor roll student with a 90 average (my school used numbers. it’s a more accurate way of grading). My grades had to stay where they were.

One time on a report card I brought home all 90s except for 2 classes. I earned a 99 in Spanish; only because the teacher said in good conscious he couldn’t award a 100, and an 87 in History. When my mother saw the 87 I had to fight to stay in the Drama Club. Part of that deal was I had to bring home every book from every class whether there was homework or not. To this day I have no idea what that did other than satisfy her “tiger mother” instinct.

When I became ensconced in theatre, my mother saw how the drama club kids behaved. She thought it was a bit unruly. So she insisted on me keeping my manners completely intact. All the social grace responses had to stay in my vocabulary and in my body. There was no getting around this. My mother was well known. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone she knew reporting back to her. She took a sense of pride in hearing “I saw your son today. What a polite young man”.

I “kept up appearances” right through college and my move to New York City. A lot of people in the city seem to be wrapped up in themselves without regard to the others around them. Once I got here all my civility, my manners, my social grace slowly slipped away. Because of this new “hostile” environment I never noticed it.

I went back upstate to visit my family often. There wasn’t a Christmas or Thanksgiving or family event I missed spending with them, unless I was doing a show. It was expected.

During one such visit with my parents, someone came to the door.  I looked out the front picture window to see who it was. I didn’t recognize the person. I went to the door and answered it with a typically curt New York City “Yeah?”

“Is your mother at home?” the stranger said.

“Hang on” was my reply, equally as curt and rough as my first question. I closed and locked the door and went to get my mother. At this point my dad came down and asked who rang the bell. I told him it was someone for mom.

My dad looked wondering where the person was. "Who?" I told him the guy was waiting outside.

 “You shut the door in his face? And you didn’t invite him in?” my dad barked.

“I don’t know who he is...” I said indignantly.

“You may do that in New York City, but here we invited people into our homes if they come calling.”

I thought ’come calling’...where the hell do you think we are Dad, 1890s England? Did you ever hear of the phrase “stranger danger”?

And then it dawned on me...

Surviving in New York had eroded the pleasantries my parents had instilled in me growing up. At that moment I realized how important politeness and etiquette are. It also dawned on me how, based on where you live, these social graces can alter. Certainly in NYC you don’t let a stranger into your home. In the genteel suburbs, it was a different story.

Today, I realize how the social graces can help or hinder a career.

Right now I’m in the middle of casting and directing a show for an up and coming Theatre Company. It’s growing exponentially.  We posted an advertisement on the various web sites to promote the auditions and set up appointments. The posting was done a month in advance. A lot can change in a month, especially for an actor.

Before the actual appointments were given, an email was sent out to potential candidates asking if they were still available and interested in the project. More than half never responded.

 

Let me be perfectly clear here:

 

 

Not responding is not a response.

One actor had submitted himself for the last four projects that I’ve worked on. All four times he was given an appointment. Three of those times he never confirmed or cancelled or even bothered to show up. This fourth time he actually did showed up, without confirming. Luckily there was a proper cancellation and we could fit him in.

Mr. “Fourth time’s a charm” has made a reputation for himself. The likelihood of this actor getting an appointment again is practically nil. His reputation is not only with this particular theatre company. It’s also with the people involved in the individual projects. Not a good place to be with 2 directors, 2 choreographers and 2 casting directors. Think of how many potential projects those combined 6 people could become involved in!

It’s important to answer to all professional inquiries. Thanks to the electronic age responding to an offer for an audition takes no more effort than hitting reply. A total of 15 seconds is used. If you don’t have 15 seconds to spare for your career, either hire someone to do it for you or, well, you know the other option.

 

In terms of replying keep it simple:

“Confirming my 11:30am audition slot on Tuesday May 28.”

“Unfortunately I’m not available.”

 

If you don’t recognize the person’s name, or the name of the show or the theatre company, then replying is even more important. One can never tell where a person, a company and or a show is headed. Any “casting associate” could become the next Bernie Telsey. Any non-paying Fringe show could potentially be the next Broadway blockbuster. Getting in at the beginning of something is far easier than in the middle or end.

In the beginning a talented and gracious performer has the potential to sway how a role is to be cast. After the show’s up and running, outside of being a “star draw”, casting is pretty much set in stone. At the larger auditions, say for a new show coming to Broadway, that’s why you hear actors saying “it’s already been cast”. The likelihood is that it has been cast...from people who started with it at the beginning with a table read, a showcase or a regional production.

Just try walking off the street and getting a private audition for Kinky Boots,with Bernie Telsey himself. Years ago both would have been possible.

A dancer submitted for a replacement in a project I was casting. He had a blossoming resume, a great look and he seemed to be a good fit for the show. He was given an appointment. At the same time, he submitted for a project I was directing. Again he fit the bill for what we were looking for. He was given another appointment. This time it was for my show.

At the replacement call he did quite well. He wasn’t quite what the choreographer and director were looking for however. Afterward I approached him and introduced myself. I said that I would be seeing him at the audition for my show in a few days. He replied that he had sent email regrets. He had a callback at the same time and asked for a later appointment.

I checked the casting email folder when I got home. He had indeed sent a very polite, simple email. I replied saying that since I basically had already seen him audition, he could just come directly to the callbacks.

The call backs were scheduled for 10am a couple days later. At 9:40am on the day of the callbacks an email came from the dancer. He wrote that he had hurt his ankle in the morning during a class. He needed to go to the doctor and have it checked out. He wasn’t going to make it to the callback. I thought what bad luck.

 

 

...keep it honest:

"I'd love to be a part of your production."

 

“I’ve accepted another offer.”

 

...or keep it vague.

You will be found out. The theatre world is very small. Everyone knows everyone, or they know someone who does.

 

A couple days after the hurt ankle incident, a director friend of mine posted on Facebook. He was excited he to be working on a brand new musical. He went on to name his cast. Et viola, the dancer’s name was included in the list.

 

It’s quite possible that everything was on the up and up with this dancer. Looking at the time line of events causes me to be a bit skeptical about the dancer’s integrity though. In the future this entire incident will be long forgotten. In the future the dancer may audition for me again. In the future it may come down to hiring him or someone else. In the future there may be feeling, a little voice somewhere in the back of my mind that may, for some unknown reason say “Hire the other dancer”.

There was a girl at the first callbacks that, in the creative team’s minds, had already landed the gig. During her original appointment I noticed she and I had a teacher in common. He’s a highly respected teacher at a major performing university. We chatted about it for a bit and then moved on.  Everyone in the show speaks, even the chorus. We needed to read people and do some part singing for final callbacks. Everyone we wanted to see was contacted, including this girl. She never contacted us in anyway and she never showed up.

We liked this girl so much that we decided to hire her anyway. A call was made. A message was left. Another call was made. Another message was left. A third and final call was made along with a third and final message. This girl simply never responded.

 

 

Again:

Not responding is not a response.

Our business is communication. We embody the ideas of an author and present them nightly to a mass of people interesting in hearing and seeing what those ideas are. If an actor does not communicate to his or her potential employers, can he or she be trusted to do so to an audience?

 

The teacher the girl and I have in common is one of the toughest, most demanding men I have ever worked for. During one particularly brutal day he brought me close to tears. I wound up uncontrollably sobbing in the shower after rehearsal had finished. I’m not a fan of his methods, but his results are consistently amazing. He would be incensed to know his name was on a resume of someone so irresponsible.

Everything you do or don’t do is a reflection on every person listed on your resume. You communicate the level of education and the value of your teachers input everytime you step into the world of show business. Out of shear respect for those who have brought you to where you are today, you as an actor need to respond.

 

...keep your intentions clear:

“I would like to have an audition appointment.”

“After reading over the material, I believe the subject matter is not suitable for me.”

 

A character woman was hired to do the show I’m directing right now. She was great at the audition and callbacks. She has a great personality and really wonderful energy. When I called to offer her the job I noticed there was a very slight almost imperceptible hesitation on her part in accepting the role. I thought nothing of it. Perhaps I was just shell-shocked after dealing with other people.

A few days later, an email was sent out asking for people’s rehearsal conflicts. This is a non-paying gig so scheduling around paying work is important to keep the actors warm and fed and happy. The character woman never responded to the request.

At their auditions the actors were asked to list what their conflicts were on a questionnaire. These conflicts could include anything from work obligations to vacations to weddings to other shows, you name it. I went back to the character woman’s sheet. I took in to consideration her listed conflicts. I scheduled rehearsals.

I sent a notice to the cast about the first rehearsal. The character woman finally responded. She opened with “I knew I would get my conflicts to you too late...” Apparently she had been asked by a friend to star in a reading of a new piece. This was a paying gig. Rehearsals would start the day before my rehearsals, which was now in two days. The entire other production would end in 3 weeks.

The character woman asked if she could be released from rehearsals for those three weeks. I said I could agree to that provided she attends a single, one hour music rehearsal that had already been scheduled.

 

...keep it timely

 

Respond to all messages within 24 hours or within 5 minutes if you’re dealing with extra work in film and TV. Otherwise there is a great possibility of you losing out to another actor. The other possibility is the people behind the table can become less than accommodating.

Her response came a bit quicker this time. She couldn’t miss the other rehearsal since the whole process was so quick.

 

...keep it friendly:

"Looking forward to it”

"Until next time”

... “Best of luck”.

 

Most importantly in all of your responses keep it polite:

...a “please” where applicable

and

...a “Thank you” for everything.

 

With every new communication innovation comes uncharted territory. For us it’s the internet and being available twenty four hours a day seven days a week. With this uncharted territory a whole new set of pleasantries develops...or should develop. They’re then passed down from generation to generation. I believe my parents passed down one of the last widely accepted set of etiquette rules when dealing with communication.

My family’s black rotary dial telephone was the primary means of communicating with the outside world. It had to be answered promptly, within two rings. The person answering had to smile before speaking. The beginning of every conversation was scripted. If you happened to be listening in, it sounded something like this:

     “Hello. The Edwards’ residence, how may I help you?...May I ask who’s 

     calling?...One moment please...” or...“I’m sorry he/she isn’t available

     right now.”

Until I joined the Drama Club my entire childhood was completely scripted this way. Growing up I wanted nothing more than to have the freedom all my friends, real or imposed, had. I couldn’t wait to get out from under the watchful eyes of my parents. I needed to escape the trite suburban prison to which I had been condemned

I’m an adult now, or so they say. I make my own rules and deal with things on my own terms. Every day I miss my parents. And every day I learn that the things they were trying to instill in me were, and are, the right things. They transcend simple social graces and etiquette. In fact these things are the actual building blocks for getting ahead in Show Business.

Since we know talent is subjective and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there has to be something that sets you apart from the throng and makes people want to work with you. It’s being friendly. It’s being courteous. It’s being polite and respectful even within the infinity of cyber space.

Art imitates Life and Life imitates Art. Growing up as a musical theatre kid I had a huge imagination. Had I not followed my parents’ rules of conduct, I imagined I would suffer the same fate as a character from a Cole Porter song...

“...the mob came and got her and dragged her from the jail, madam. They strung her up on the willows across the way...”

And in my mind, in those final beautifully staged and costumed moments, with certain death looming, I imagined my parents standing in the background, insisting I respond to all my pending invitations...

“...Miss Otis regrets she’s unable to lunch today”.