Carry on my wayward son...

The holiday season is a difficult time for a lot of people for a lot of reasons. A few years ago I found myself in a really bad place. My career was in the toilet, my love life non-existent, my bank account was even less existent and most of the people I loved had left, either the area or this plane of existence.

Feeling alone and devastated I thought there was nothing I could do. That depression kept me from auditioning which only caused the situation to multiply. You see, when you walk into a room to sell yourself, your life is on display. That’s not to say the people behind the table will know what’s going on with you personally, but they most definitely will know something is amiss. That gives them an uneasy feeling. And that’s a big reasons an actor doesn’t get hired. 

I was unaware of where to meet eligible people, who had the same likes and interests as I do. So I didn’t go anywhere to meet someone new. Besides, going on a date is like auditioning for a show.  There are so many unspoken things that go into making it to the next round. If I wasn’t going to be fooling anyone behind the table, I certainly wasn’t going to be fooling anyone behind a coffee or a drink.

I had been working my day job a lot, but just couldn’t seem to get ahead of the bills. No cash and my credit was tapped. Going to spend time with any of my best friends who live in other places around the world was out of the question.

So I sat complaining and bemoaning my life. Everyday. I didn’t know it at that time, but that only made it worse. One day I was whining to my friend Lisa when seemingly out of the blue she said:

“Pick number.”

“Why?”

“Just pick number.”

“Any number?”

“Any number. Just do it.”

Now you pick a number between 25 and 300.

Any number.

Just do it.

Before you read on, write it down.

The number I picked was 123.

Lisa told me that for 123 consecutive days I was to post on social media one thing I was grateful for. It could be anything, just one thing or person I was grateful for. She guaranteed it would help.

So for 123 days on Facebook I posted something I was grateful for. The very first ones were difficult.

1.      I am grateful I can breathe.

But was I really?

My life had hit pretty low. But this was the only thing I could think of to write. I struggled with finding something to be grateful for. However somewhere in the middle that shifted. I was no longer trying to dig up some obscure random thing to be grateful for. I was actually walking down the street looking for something in everyday life, anything amazing or mundane, that made me feel blessed to be here and doing what I was doing with my life.

With that came an incredible thing. The heavy feeling of nothingness slipped away. I could see the world for the beauty that was there without superimposing my depression, my longing, my hopelessness on it.

It took some time for me to get there though. All the while my Facebook friends (those in life and those in the cyber world only) would comment. Some would agree, some would be happy and some would be downright pissy about my gratitude posts.

“What the hell is this?”

“I’m tired of seeing these numbered posts on my feed.”

“This doesn’t make any sense.  You need to stop.”

But I didn’t. For 123 days I posted one thing I was grateful for. For 123 days I found something good and hopeful about the world. For 123 days I listened to the Universe instead of listening to the hurtful voices in my head...or those on social media.

By the end of 123 days, everything was okay. I could face my life again. I could walk into an audition and freely do my job. I was able to smile and focus on the good in Life. This was exactly what I needed. Weeks afterwards I would walk around finding things to be grateful for. I found myself missing saying to the world what made me happy to be alive. And several social media friends said they missed reading them as well.

By no way am I suggesting posting on social media as a cure for serious depression, or chemical imbalance. If you think your depression may be genetically or neurologically caused, seek professional help. There is no shame in asking and it doesn't make you seem weak. In fact it takes a strong person to ask for help.

If your depression and lack of self-worth are externally caused, if it seems as if you have no friends around, or no money, or no career, or any combination of those things, remember that number you picked earlier. Post something you’re grateful for on social media, one post per day for every number. Don’t tell anyone what you’re doing. Just do it. Be resilient because there will be haters. More importantly there will be people who are drawn to the posts. It helps them see the beauty in the world as well.

Do it, especially if the holidays gotcha down. Your mindset will be altered, uplifted out of the mire. And like Lisa, I promise. ...

“...there’ll be peace when you are done.”